Meeting new friends on a journey.

My 40th birthday was an amazingly happy and amazingly sad experience…at the same time. I’m not talking about “aging” or “giving up youthful thoughts” or anything quite so trivial. In fact, my wife threw me an amazing surprise party, and about 70 people showed up, from all aspects of my life.

As much fun as I was having, something even more beautiful took place that didn’t involve me one bit…well, maybe just a little bit. I don’t know that many saw it, after all, you’d have to have known all the players to understand the connection that was happening, but I carry this moment with me still, three years later. Two very good friends of mine (both about my age) attended the party. They were great guys, but I would have called each of them ‘loners’ in a sense. I mean, they each had great friends and families and all, but neither spent a lot of time just hanging out with other guys. One lived out of town, so he spent a lot of time commuting, the other was a deep intellectual who worked three jobs and was very busy all the time. And at this party the two met for the first time.

Although they had little in common, socially or politically or hobby-wise, they quickly found that they were on a similar journey. They had both been diagnosed with cancer. And if there was a ‘good’ kind of cancer to have, well, neither had it. Both were facing terminal illness with poor survival success rates, but they were hopeful. My wife and I were hopeful for them as well. They each had been through surgery to remove tumors, both were in various stages of treatment. So they had a common problem, and instantly connected. They spent the evening talking to each other about the process, the trials, and the accomplishments.

It was great to see these two friends of mine become friends with each other, even if their connection was because of illness. Over the next year and a half, they didn’t ‘hang out.’ But they often e-mailed each other, and each asked me about the others progress regularly.

I know that some may see it as coincidence, but I don’t. That great party allowed them to find each other, to talk for a couple of hours and share their issues. And even if only a short while, help each other through what must have been a frightening experience. Those two friends of mine are gone now. I'd like to think they finally have time to hang out together, and to talk about more cheerful things. And I’m so glad I got to know them both.

Alan Murray

Walking The Road

Alan is the Director of Music and Emerging Ministries at Asbury, and lives with his wife Catherine and several cat-children in Kansas City, Missouri. Email him at alanm@visitasbury.org.